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Category Archives: Ryan L. Smith
Spartans join the shitty uniform craze
Michigan State's "very special" uniforms for the Oct. 15 home game against Michigan.
Michigan State is yet another of the latest schools to let their equipment company convince them to make themselves look like a ridiculous On Any Given Sunday fake football team, unleashing this horrendous creation on the world today.
Not to be outdone by Under Armor (Maryland) or Adidas (Michigan, Notre Dame), Nike persuaded State to join their other schools including Oregon, Ohio State, Army, Navy, Georgia LSU and Stanford in the latest round of their Pro Combat Series. Their attempt to redefine the look of college football really only succeeds in creating a social media frenzy for a few weeks (damn I’m falling for it!) and sells some novelty jerseys no one would be caught dead in in a few years. Maybe it’ll generate some buzz about each of the programs involved, but it’s hard to believe a one-off uniform will help recruiting in the longrun, as I’m sure Nike has promised school administrators.
But when it comes down to it, who really cares about a uniform the team is only going to wear for one day? The Michigan and Notre Dame unis didn’t spoil the taste of my beer on Saturday night and they actually grew on me after awhile. I just wish the Spartan version actually looked like a Michigan State uniform. The bronze, while historically accurate, comes out of left field from the proud Green & White and resembles the uniforms of mediocre football traditions of UAB or Baylor. I think silver would’ve been a better choice—check it out (thank you PhotoShop):
The Theismann's Earhole version of MSU's new unis. You're welcome.
HIT THE LIGHTS!!!
A record 115,000 fans are expected to jam into Michigan Stadium tomorrow night for the first-ever night game at the Big House. It should prove to be quite a spectacle, even if both programs are mere shadows of their former selves.
I have two predictions for the game: 1) Notre Dame Coach Brian Kelly will still fucking swear at his fucking players from the fucking sidelines despite the fucking ridiculous criticism he received from the fucking media this week (but I still think he’s a douchebag) and 2) Michigan will win in an epic shootout with very little defense, 55-48.
And now for your listening pleasure…
Mission Accomplished
Here's the reason why your Twitter account locked up last night.
The University of Maryland and Baltimore-based sportswear and accessories company, Under Armor, succeeded in their goal: to remind the country that the school actually has a football team. And I always assumed they only had a lacrosse team—who knew?
Smitty’s College Predictions 2011
Say hello to your next National Champions, the Oregon Ducks.
After a tumultuous offseason of scandals, sanctions and pink slips, the college football season finally (and mercifully) gets under away this weekend—and not a moment too soon. It’s great to be able to push all the nefarious off-field activity aside and talk about what should be a wide open college football season. So without further ado, here are my 2011 predictions.
Big Ten
The historic addition of Nebraska to the Big Ten will prove to the smartest move commissioner Jim Delany and his cronies have made to date, although the bar has been set rather low considering the conference division names they chose. While I can’t stand Nebraska or it’s fans, I also can’t deny their honored place in college football history and the gravitas they bring to an already legendary (sorry, bad pun) conference. However, it will take time for the Huskers to establish themselves in a tough conference and division. Wisconsin and their dynamic new QB, Russell Wilson will steamroll their way through the Hayes Division and win the inaugural Big Ten Football Championship Game in Indianapolis.
Southeastern Conference
With eight teams ranked in most pre-season polls’ top 25, the SEC will be a bloodbath as usual. Perennial power Alabama and their duplicitous coach Prick Saban will emerge atop the pile of corpses when all the smoke clears, though they will have at least one loss.
PAC-12
Adding Utah and Colorado will bring a little more panache to the conference, but Oregon is still light years ahead of their competition and will roll unscathed through conference play on their way to their second BCS title game in as many years—even if they lose to LSU tonight.
Big 12 (or 10, 9, 8, 7, 6….)
This dying conference could’ve saved themselves some numeric embarrassment and reflected reality more accurately if they had simply called themselves the Big 2 from the beginning as it always comes down to Red River rivals, Texas and Oklahoma. This year will be no different as Oklahoma will run the table to take the posible final conference title as it may no longer exist after this season.
Atlantic Coast Conference
Another down year for the once-proud ACC will prove to be an easy road to an undefeated season for Virginia Tech who may not face a ranked opponent until the conference championship game. However, that same weak schedule will cost them a chance for the national title as an undefeated Oklahoma squad, a one-loss SEC champ, and/or one-loss Oregon squad would still garner more votes in the ridiculous popularity contest we are forced to endure to settle our national championship (but that’s the subject of another blog post coming soon…).
Big East
Who really cares? The fact that the Big East is considered a BCS conference is testimony to how corrupt and unjust the whole system is. The MAC has nearly equivalent credentials, but are left outside of the big party. West Virginia will represent the chronically mediocre conference in an increasingly irrelevant Orange Bowl. Yawn.
BCS Championship Game
I see five teams with legitimate shots at the title game but Wisconsin, Va Tech and Alabama will be on the outside looking in when the computers finally work their evil magic. Oregon will face Oklahoma at the at the Louisiana Superdome in New Orleans on January 9th with the Ducks and their hideous uniforms prevailing. QUACK!!!
Prick Saban models Alabama Sportswear Collection 2211
It’s understandable that someone who dresses like he’s from the future doesn’t understand the present.
“M” stands for “MUTILATED”
It was nearly impossible, but Adidas found a way to turn the best uniform/helmet combo in college football into the worst. Bravo.
Earhole Top 10: Week 9
For the first time in 4 weeks, not much changed at the top of the rankings. Oregon was impressive again, this time in a hostile LA Coliseum, putting 53 on the board against an overlooked but tough USC team. Auburn was equally impressive knocking off Ole Miss 51-31. The main shake ups came with the real Michigan State finally rearing it’s ugly head and Missouri’s defense proving useless against Nebraska RB, Roy Helu Jr. who rushed for a school record 307 yards. Both teams showed, once again, neither are ready to make that next leap into the realm of the elite in college football.
1. Oregon (8-0)
2. Auburn (9-0)
3. TCU (9-0)
4. Boise State (7-0)
5. Alabama (7-1)
6. Wisconsin (7-1)
7. Utah (8-0)
8. Ohio State (8-1)
9. Nebraska (7-1)
10. Michigan State (8-1)
Earhole Top 10: Week 8
For the fist time since 1960, three consensus #1 teams have fallen in consecutive weeks (while The Earhole has had Oregon ranked #1 all along) after Mizzou knocked off Oklahoma, 36-27 Saturday night. Oregon decimated a decent UCLA team, 60-13, thus cementing themselves into the #1 slot in every pole. But don’t be shocked if the #1 curse continues next week as the Ducks have to travel to Southern Cal to take on an overlooked Trojan team. USC has quietly put together the #7 offense in the county and will prove to be a dangerous test for the Ducks. If Oregon does fall, it will mark yet another step taken on Michigan State’s path to a National Championship outlined here last week.
1. Oregon (7-0)
2. Auburn (8-0)
3. TCU (8-0)
4. Michigan State (8-0)
5. Boise State (6-0)
6. Missouri (7-0)
7. Alabama (7-1)
8. Wisconsin (7-1)
9. Utah (7-0)
10. Ohio State (7-1)
Spartan path paved to the National Championship?
Michigan State find themselves 7-0 for the first time in 44 years and dreaming of previously unreachable heights after manhandling Illinois 26-6 at Spartan Stadium Saturday. With Ohio State’s collapse in Madison that same night the #7 Spartans are not only in the driver’s seat to a Big Ten Championship, they actually have a legitimate shot at the BCS Championship Game. Here’s what would need to happen:
1. Take care of their own business. Obviously, the Spartans must win all 5 of their remaining games. State comes to Evanston this weekend to take on a scrappy Northwestern squad, but they should be able to handle the Wildcats with relative ease. The real test comes the week after as they travel to Iowa City to battle the #13 Hawkeyes. If they can get past Iowa (admittedly, not an easy task) their road to an undefeated season is paved with extremely winnable home games versus Minnesota and Purdue and a finale at very mediocre Penn State.
2. Sit back and wait for the computers to screw over the little guys. While perennial Cinderellas Boise State and TCU are currently ahead of State in the BCS rankings, their strength of schedules simply won’t compare with Spartan victories over Top 25 teams Notre Dame, Wisconsin, Michigan and Iowa. Maybe that’s unfair, but that’s just the way it is until the powers that be relent and adopt a long-awaited playoff system (but that’s the subject of another post).
3. Let parity (and anarchy) reign! Seeing the #1 team in the nation lose in each of the last two weeks is more than enough evidence in support of the Spartans hopes. No one is a clear, dominating presence on the college football landscape a this point and every team in front of State in the rankings has much more difficult hurdles to get over than the Green & White. We know one contender will be eliminated next week as LSU faces Auburn. Even if LSU wins on the road, they still have to face Alabama, Arkansas and have the SEC Championship game to deal with. Sorry LSU—not gonna happen. Auburn should beat LSU at home but they would still have to go to Alabama and then face the conference championship game—no way that’s going to work for the War Eagle. The very overrated Oklahoma goes to very underrated #11 Missouri this weekend and still has to travel to in-state rival #14 Oklahoma State. Oregon still has to travel to face an overlooked USC team, then home vs. #18 Arizona and finish the season with their Civil War game versus Oregon State in the Beaver Dam. Even if one of these teams runs through their daunting gauntlets, there’s still another spot in the title game waiting for State.
With a relatively easy path to an undefeated season when compared to the other contenders, the BSC system working against the two non-BCS schools in the mix, and only needing to slide into one of two slots in the BSC Championship Game — you read if here first — the Michigan State Spartans will vie for the national title on January 10th in Glendale, Arizona.
